Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.
JAQUES: There is, sure, another flood toward, and 
these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a
pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are
TOUCHSTONE: Salutation and greeting to you all!
JAQUES: Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the 
motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met
in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.
TOUCHSTONE: If any man doubt that, let him put me
to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have
flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, 
smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three
tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have
JAQUES: And how was that ta'en up?
TOUCHSTONE: Faith, we met, and found the quarrel 
was upon the seventh cause.
JAQUES: How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this
DUKE SENIOR: I like him very well.
TOUCHSTONE: God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the 
like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the
country copulatives, to swear and to forswear:
according as marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor
virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a
poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else 
will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor
house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
DUKE SENIOR: By my faith, he is very swift and
TOUCHSTONE: According to the fool's bolt, sir, and 
such dulcet diseases.
JAQUES: But, for the seventh cause; how did you find
the quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE: Upon a lie seven times removed:--
bear your body more seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. 
I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent
me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in
the mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he would
send me word, he cut it to please himself: this is called 
the Quip Modest. If again 'it was not well cut,' he
disabled my judgement: this is called the Reply
Churlish. If again 'it was not well cut,' he would answer,
I spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If
again 'it was not well cut,' he would say, I lied: this is 
called the Countercheck Quarrelsome: and so to the
Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
JAQUES: And how oft did you say his beard was not
TOUCHSTONE: I durst go no further than the Lie 
Circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie
Direct; and so we measured swords and parted.
JAQUES: Can you nominate in order now the degrees
of the lie?
TOUCHSTONE: O sir, we quarrel in print, by the 
book; as you have books for good manners: I will
name you the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous;
the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply
Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth,
the Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with 
Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these
you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid
that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could
not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met
themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, 'If 
you said so, then I said so;' and they shook hands and
swore brothers. Your If is the only peacemaker; much
virtue in If.
JAQUES: Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as
good at any thing and yet a fool. 
DUKE SENIOR: He uses his folly like a stalking-horse
and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA.
HYMEN: Then is there mirth in heaven,
When earthly things made even
Atone together. 
Good duke, receive thy daughter
Hymen from heaven brought her,
Yea, brought her hither,
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within his bosom is. 
ROSALIND: [To DUKE SENIOR] To you I give myself, for I am yours.
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
DUKE SENIOR: If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
ORLANDO: If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
PHEBE: If sight and shape be true, 
Why then, my love adieu!
ROSALIND: I'll have no father, if you be not he:
I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
HYMEN: Peace, ho! I bar confusion: 
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events:
Here's eight that must take hands
To join in Hymen's bands,
If truth holds true contents. 
You and you no cross shall part:
You and you are heart in heart:
You to his love must accord,
Or have a woman to your lord:
You and you are sure together, 
As the winter to foul weather.
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
Feed yourselves with questioning;
That reason wonder may diminish,
How thus we met, and these things finish. 
Wedding is great Juno's crown:
O blessed bond of board and bed!
'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
High wedlock then be honoured:
Honour, high honour and renown, 
To Hymen, god of every town!
DUKE SENIOR: O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.
PHEBE: I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine. 
Enter JAQUES DE BOYS.
JAQUES DE BOYS: Let me have audience for a word or two:
I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
Men of great worth resorted to this forest, 
Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
In his own conduct, purposely to take
His brother here and put him to the sword:
And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;
Where meeting with an old religious man, 
After some question with him, was converted
Both from his enterprise and from the world,
His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
And all their lands restored to them again
That were with him exiled. This to be true, 
I do engage my life.