[Exit BALTHASAR]
Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of
to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with
Signior Benedick?
CLAUDIO: O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did [90]
never think that lady would have loved any man.
LEONATO: No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she
should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in
all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
BENEDICK: Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner? [95]
LEONATO: By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think
of it but that she loves him with an enraged
affection: it is past the infinite of thought.
DON PEDRO: May be she doth but counterfeit.
CLAUDIO: Faith, like enough. [100]
LEONATO: O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of
passion came so near the life of passion as she
discovers it.
DON PEDRO: Why, what effects of passion shows she?
CLAUDIO: Bait the hook well; this fish will bite. [105]
LEONATO: What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard
my daughter tell you how.
CLAUDIO: She did, indeed.
DON PEDRO: How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I
thought her spirit had been invincible against all [110]
assaults of affection.
LEONATO: I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially
against Benedick.
BENEDICK: I should think this a gull, but that the
white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot, [115]
sure, hide himself in such reverence.
CLAUDIO: He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.
DON PEDRO: Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?
LEONATO: No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.
CLAUDIO: 'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall [120]
I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him
with scorn, write to him that I love him?'
LEONATO: This says she now when she is beginning to write to
him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and
there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a [125]
sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.
CLAUDIO: Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a
pretty jest your daughter told us of.
LEONATO: O, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she
found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet? [130]
CLAUDIO: That.
LEONATO: O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence;
railed at herself, that she should be so immodest
to write to one that she knew would flout her; 'I
measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I [135]
should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I
love him, I should.'
CLAUDIO: Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs,
beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O
sweet Benedick! God give me patience!' [140]
LEONATO: She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the
ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter
is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage
to herself: it is very true.
DON PEDRO: It were good that Benedick knew of it by some [145]
other, if she will not discover it.
CLAUDIO: To what end? He would make but a sport of it and
torment the poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO: An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an
excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion, [150]
she is virtuous.
CLAUDIO: And she is exceeding wise.
DON PEDRO: In every thing but in loving Benedick.
LEONATO: O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender
a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath [155]
the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just
cause, being her uncle and her guardian.
DON PEDRO: I would she had bestowed this dotage on me: I would
have daffed all other respects and made her half
myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear [160]
what a' will say.
LEONATO: Were it good, think you?
CLAUDIO: Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she
will die, if he love her not, and she will die, ere
she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo [165]
her, rather than she will bate one breath of her
accustomed crossness.
DON PEDRO: She doth well: if she should make tender of her
love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the
man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit. [170]
CLAUDIO: He is a very proper man.
DON PEDRO: He hath indeed a good outward happiness.
CLAUDIO: Before God! and, in my mind, very wise.
DON PEDRO: He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.
CLAUDIO: And I take him to be valiant. [175]
DON PEDRO: As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of
quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he
avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes
them with a most Christian-like fear.
LEONATO: If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace: [180]
if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a
quarrel with fear and trembling.
DON PEDRO: And so will he do; for the man doth fear God,
howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests
he will make. Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall [185]
we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?
CLAUDIO: Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with
good counsel.
LEONATO: Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.
DON PEDRO: Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter: [190]
let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I
could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see
how much he is unworthy so good a lady.
LEONATO: My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.
CLAUDIO: If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never [195]
trust my expectation.
DON PEDRO: Let there be the same net spread for her; and that
must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The
sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of
another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the [200]
scene that I would see, which will be merely a
dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.
[Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO]
BENEDICK: [Coming forward] This can be no trick: the
conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of
this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it [205]
seems her affections have their full bent. Love me!
why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured:
they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
the love come from her; they say too that she will
rather die than give any sign of affection. I did [210]
never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy
are they that hear their detractions and can put
them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a
truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis
so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving [215]
me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
no great argument of her folly, for I will be
horribly in love with her. I may chance have some
odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me,
because I have railed so long against marriage: but [220]
doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat
in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would [225]
die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day!
she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in
her.
[Enter BEATRICE]
BEATRICE: Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner. [230]
BENEDICK: Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
BEATRICE: I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would
not have come.
BENEDICK: You take pleasure then in the message? [235]
BEATRICE: Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach,
signior: fare you well.
[Exit]
BENEDICK: Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took [240]
no more pains for those thanks than you took pains
to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains
that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do
not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not
love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture. [245]
[Exit]