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Act 3, Scene 2

[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO: I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
then go I toward Arragon.

CLAUDIO: I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll
vouchsafe me.

DON PEDRO: Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss     [5]
of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold
with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown
of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all
mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's     [10]
bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at
him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his
tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his
tongue speaks.

BENEDICK: Gallants, I am not as I have been.     [15]

LEONATO: So say I: methinks you are sadder.

CLAUDIO: I hope he be in love.

DON PEDRO: Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in
him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,
he wants money.     [20]

BENEDICK: I have the toothache.

DON PEDRO: Draw it.

BENEDICK: Hang it!

CLAUDIO: You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

DON PEDRO: What! sigh for the toothache?     [25]

LEONATO: Where is but a humour or a worm.

BENEDICK: Well, every one can master a grief but he that has
it.

CLAUDIO: Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO: There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be     [30]
a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy     [35]
to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

CLAUDIO: If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o'
mornings; what should that bode?     [40]

DON PEDRO: Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO: No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him,
and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
stuffed tennis-balls.

LEONATO: Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.     [45]

DON PEDRO: Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him
out by that?

CLAUDIO: That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

DON PEDRO: The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

CLAUDIO: And when was he wont to wash his face?     [50]

DON PEDRO: Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear
what they say of him.

CLAUDIO: Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into
a lute-string and now governed by stops.

DON PEDRO: Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,     [55]
conclude he is in love.

CLAUDIO: Nay, but I know who loves him.

DON PEDRO: That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.

CLAUDIO: Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of
all, dies for him.     [60]

DON PEDRO: She shall be buried with her face upwards.

BENEDICK: Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight
or nine wise words to speak to you, which these
hobby-horses must not hear.     [65]

[Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO: For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

CLAUDIO: 'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two
bears will not bite one another when they meet.

[Enter DON JOHN]

DON JOHN: My lord and brother, God save you!     [70]

DON PEDRO: Good den, brother.

DON JOHN: If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

DON PEDRO: In private?

DON JOHN: If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
what I would speak of concerns him.     [75]

DON PEDRO: What's the matter?

DON JOHN: [To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married
to-morrow?

DON PEDRO: You know he does.

DON JOHN: I know not that, when he knows what I know.     [80]

CLAUDIO: If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

DON JOHN: You may think I love you not: let that appear
hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect     [85]
your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and
labour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO: Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN: I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,     [90]
the lady is disloyal.

CLAUDIO: Who, Hero?

DON PEDRO: Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

CLAUDIO: Disloyal?

DON JOHN: The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I     [95]
could say she were worse: think you of a worse
title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
see her chamber-window entered, even the night
before her wedding-day: if you love her then,     [100]
to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
to change your mind.

CLAUDIO: May this be so?

DON PEDRO: I will not think it.

DON JOHN: If you dare not trust that you see, confess not     [105]
that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
more, proceed accordingly.

CLAUDIO: If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should     [110]
wed, there will I shame her.

DON PEDRO: And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
with thee to disgrace her.

DON JOHN: I will disparage her no farther till you are my
witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and     [115]
let the issue show itself.

DON PEDRO: O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO: O mischief strangely thwarting!

DON JOHN: O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
you have seen the sequel.     [120]

[Exeunt]


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